When Trust Shatters
What happens if the person who told you that you are a true friend betrayed you?
Friendship is a deeply cherished and fundamental aspect of human experience, embodying a bond characterized by mutual trust and respect. True friendship goes beyond mere companionship; it involves a genuine connection where both individuals support and uplift one another. Sometimes, a friend is too close to being considered as part of the family. There are situations when a friend is already treated as a brother or a sister. With said bond, what happens if the person who told you that you are a true friend betrayed you?
Maria and Yohanna have been friends for three years. They were close knit though they seldom saw each other. Everything changed when Maria met Efrain, who happened to be a friend of Yohana. Efrain and Maria developed a relationship, and promised that they will grow old together. It was a promise that Maria counted on. However, as months passed, Maria noticed the undeniable attachment between Efrain and Yohanna.
Efrain always asked about Yohanna. Most of the time, her name will pop up in a conversation even if she is not the topic of the conversation. There was one night when Efrain and Maria picked up Yohanna on her way to work. Yohanna smiled ear to ear when she saw Efrain, but her smile immediately faded when she realized that Maria was sitting next to him. It was as if Yohanna was excited by the sight of Efrain, but dismayed when she realized that Maria is also present, sitting next beside Efrain. Maria did not think anything of it. After all, Efrain is her boyfriend, and Yohanna is her friend.
There was an instance when Yohanna told Maria that she is always in contact with Efrain. They are communicating through text, chat and call. On another instance, Yohanna told Maria that Efrain cannot pick her up because she and Efrain spoke the whole night and thus, Efrain is not able to get a proper sleep. True enough, Efrain did not pick her up that afternoon.
When Maria asked Efrain why he would constantly contact Yohanna, he claimed that it is not true, and that Yohanna is lying. Maria was trying to make sense of what was happening. However, as days progress, the connection between Efrain and Yohanna is becoming too obvious not to notice. There was even an instance when Efrain and Yohanna were talking about a road that will close on the next day, and this road is on Maria’s way to her work place. Both know that Maria had an accident and cannot walk long distances anymore. Efrain gave the complete information, up to the smallest detail to Yohanna. However, he did not bother to give any information to Maria, except that the road would be closed. Maria kept on asking Efrain, but all he said was "I do not know”.
Desperate to know what her alternatives are, she inquired to her supervisor via chat communication. Yohanna is a member of the group chat. There’s even an indication that Yohanna read Maria’s inquiry. However, instead of directly contacting Maria to address her concern, Yohanna contacted Efrain instead. Then, she communicated with the supervisor to answer Marias' query. She also told their supervisor that an email was shown to her, and even professed who showed her the email. She did not make any effort to send a message directly to Maria who, supposedly her friend, was worried.
The same afternoon, Efrain contacted Maria. He told her that Yohanna contacted him because Maria went to their supervisor. Efrain even admitted that as per his conversation with Yohanna, they both concluded that Maria is panicky and exaggerated. Maria was extremely upset. She is put in a position where it was her who has to explain why she went to her supervisor. In the story of Efrain and Yohanna, Maria is the villain. Efrain and Yohanna knew that it was Maria who would be affected by the closure of the road because she is unable to walk anymore, at least not long distance like Efrain and Yohanna.
Maria was blindsided, left guessing, and when she tried to help herself, she is the villain. She felt that Efrain and Yohanna were a team, and she has been thrown under the bus. Maria felt betrayed.
The next day, Yohanna even approached Maria and sweetly asked how she was doing. Maria waited for months for Yohanna to come clean. Maria even went to the point of confiding with Yohanna several times, even after knowing of the emotional attachment between her boyfriend and her friend. She was hoping that on the process, she will admit that they are talking behind her back, so they can start being honest to each other. Instead, Yohanna acted extremely nice, assuring Maria that she will always be there for her, and that their friendship is strong. You see, my reader, when we are given a reason not to trust a person, it stays in our mind. For the people who felt deceived, how do you deal with betrayal?
Some seek confrontation, some simply walk away. We have different ways to heal a wound. Maria chose to walk away. However, if you encountered similar situations, and it is extremely difficult to be quiet, and deal with the betrayal on your own, I hope the following can help you;
Acknowledge Your Emotions
The first step in recovering from betrayal is to allow yourself to feel and acknowledge the range of emotions that come with it. Betrayal often triggers feelings of anger, sadness, confusion, and even guilt. These emotions are valid and a natural part of the healing process. Give yourself permission to grieve the trust that was broken. Bottling up these feelings can prolong the healing process and may lead to further emotional distress.
Reflect and Understand
Take time to reflect on the betrayal and your friendship. Consider the context of the betrayal—was it a one-time event or part of a pattern of behavior? Reflecting on the nature of the betrayal can provide insight into whether the friendship was healthy or if there were red flags that were ignored. Understanding the dynamics of the friendship and the reasons behind the betrayal can help you gain clarity and facilitate emotional closure.
Rebuild Trust Gradually
Healing from betrayal involves rebuilding trust, not just in others but in yourself. Learn from the experience and reflect on what you can do differently in future relationships. Gradually reestablishing trust can start with smaller, more manageable interactions with others
Move Forward
As you heal, focus on moving forward and creating positive experiences in your life. Surround yourself with supportive people who value and respect you. Embrace new opportunities and relationships that align with your values and offer mutual respect. Moving forward involves finding new sources of joy and connection, and reaffirming your belief in the possibility of meaningful and trustworthy relationships.
In a world where trust can be as fragile as glass, betrayal shatters more than just expectations—it rends the very fabric of our relationships and self-belief. Yet, within this profound fracture lies a crucial opportunity for renewal. In the end, while betrayal may leave an indelible mark, it also paves the way for deeper resilience and a more discerning heart. Embrace the journey through the shadows, for it is only by navigating the darkness that we truly learn to appreciate the light.